10 Dumbest Rulers of All Time

10 Dumbest Rulers of All Time 10) Francisco Solano Lopez There was a time when Paraguay was arguably the most powerful country in South America And the reason it can no longer make that claim is all down to its 19th-century ruler, President Francisco Solano Lopez

As an avid fan of Napoleon’s work, Lopez wanted to be the Bonaparte of South America He set about conquering other nations And why fight one nation, when you can take on three at once? In 1864, Paraguay declared war on Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay simultaneously For reference, the Brazillian army alone was practically the same size as Paraguay’s The results? Well, they were more or less what you’d expect

Paraguay lost the war, obviously But they also lost 300,000 soldiers and civilians in the fighting That number alone sounds like a lot, but it gets even crazier when you realize it’s over half of their population 70% of the nation’s adult male population was killed in the conflict That means Paraguay literally would have been better off if Thanos had snapped into town than having Lopez as leader

9) Vitellius 69AD was a difficult time for Ancient Rome Known as the Year of the 4 Emperors, those 12 months saw excess, bloodshed, and 4 different men ascend to Rome’s highest office After Nero’s suicide in 68AD, power was grabbed by the governor Galba But his cruelty turned allies away and, in 69AD, he was murdered only 15 days into the new year That kicked off a civil war, with a number of wannabe rulers trying to grab power

Yeah, its basically Game of Thrones without the dragons or a petition to rewrite it Otho was next but only ruled for 91 days until he was forced to commit suicide by his enemies That’s when our boy Vitellius took over With the Roman people desperate for stable and calm stewardship after months of turmoil, what did Vitellius provide them with? The exact opposite of course Acting like a new Nero, Vitellius immediately start wasting all of Rome’s on excessive self-glorification

According to the historian Suetonius [Suet-own-ious], Vitellius held three banquets a day for him and his dignitaries He also ordered numerous glamorous triumphal marches through the city In only a few months, he brought the treasury to its knees, leaving the city weak and open to attack After 8 months of Vitellius’ wild partying, Vespasian, the Roman governor of Judea, decided he’d had enough Marching his army on Rome he defeated Vitellius’ forces and proclaimed himself emperor

8) Jean-Bedel Bokassa African dictators are pretty good at lavishing money on themselves But Jean-Bedel Bokassa outdid them all Bokassa was the first President of the Central African Republic after the nation gained independence from the French government And by all accounts, he started out as a pretty good President Or at least as good as arbitrarily-installed military dictators get

But in 1976, he dissolved the government and announced himself Emperor of Central Africa As all emperors should, Bokassa treated himself to a lavish coronation with robes, a diamond-studded crown thrones, and a two-tonne throne in the shape of an eagle Dude had style, gotta give him that The two-day coronation cost $30 million, which was more than the annual budget of the entire country Bokassa didn’t calm down after that either

He demanded all school children buy uniforms with his face on When the families refused to purchase the expensive uniforms, he started imprisoning and executing them France didn’t want to get involved in Africa again But by this point, France had had enough of this dude playing God in their former colony French special forces led a coup against Bokassa, overthrew him and handed power to someone less… extravagant

7) The Zhengde Emperor of China China, and this is going to blow your mind, is a big place I know right? That’s the sort of mind-blowing fact you can expect around here China has long been such a big place that it was pretty much impossible for one guy to rule Especially in the days when the fastest method of communication of pigeon So what did the Zhengde Emperor of China do when he was given this huge responsibility at the early age of 14? He decided just to play make-believe instead

Taking charge in 1505, Z-man had his men build him a private fake city block on the Imperial Grounds In this private city, THE EMPEROR OF CHINA would pretend to be a baker, handing out loaves and the like to his bemused subjects It’s kind of tragic in a way, an overgrown child forced to manage the affairs of millions of people he clearly had no interest in Feel a bit bad calling him dumb, but… not exactly advisable is it? Luckily his abandonment of duty didn’t hurt the empire too badly But his advisors were probably still glad when their disinterested ruler died at the age of 29

Did the emperor die in a fittingly impressive and regal manner? No Like his life, Zhengde’s death is kind of sad and a little funny He got too drunk and fell off a boat Sources: Britannica, HistoryThings https://wwwbritannica

com/biography/Zhengde https://historythingscom/historys-nutcases-the-zhengde-emperor/ 6) Muhammad bin Tughluq Plenty of rulers have been paranoid Plenty of rulers have let that paranoia drive them into making stupid decisions But only Muhammad bin Tughluq, the Sultan of Delhi from 1321 to 1351, let that paranoia push him into literally moving an entire city In 1327, Muhammad decided that keeping his capital city in Delhi meant being too at risk from Mongol invasions

To be fair, would you wanna hang around if Ghengis Khan was riding around just north of you? So the Sultan declared Daulatabad [dole-ta-bad], further south, his new capital But instead of just symbolically making it the capital, Muhammad forced everyone in Delhi to up sticks and move city You see, he’d heard through his advisors that the people weren’t happy with the capital being moved Angry, he doubled down, ordering every citizen of Delhi to take their possession and travel to Daulatabad Moving that many people was, predictably, a disaster

The heat and unsanitary conditions caused a plague to break out, and many citizens died from exhaustion and hunger on the journey Still, the capital was successfully moved At least until 1335 That’s when Muhammad decided he liked Delhi after all and moved the capital back Think of the thousands of people who died, just so a capital city could be moved for less than the cycle of two Olympic games

5) George W Bush Okay, okay Bush probably isn’t the worst person on this list He never built himself a giant gold eagle throne Or tried to move the capital from Washington to Newark Or went off and played shopkeep instead of leading his country

although arguably things would be better if he had But Bush has to be in this video The man knew how to put his foot in his mouth in ways that would make a contortionist gasp

For 8 years, Bush was a constant embarrassment on the world stage Here’s just a sample of the best Bushisms ever to spill out of his mouth: “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we” “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning” “I know that the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully” Oh, plus he told lies about chemical weapons and responded to the most significant terrorist attack in history by, as experts have pointed out, invading the wrong country Oops

4) Henry VIII Nowadays the British royal family mainly just sit around waving, popping out babies and being wrong about Fortnite But back before they got cucked by the concept of parliamentary democracy, the Royals had to make the decisions And over the years that led to some pretty bad rulers One stand out example is Henry VIII Big Henry took power in 1509 when he was a lean, mean, kinging machine

But it didn’t take long for his lifestyle of blowing England’s treasury on whole roast pigs and roasted sparrows to catch up with him Still, excessive binging is kinda within the remit of what medieval kings do Henry VIII dumbest move was to annoy off the entirety of the Catholic world by setting up his own church… all so he could annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon and start getting busy with Anne Boleyn At the time upsetting the Catholic Church was a very bad idea In the end, Henry was only excommunicated by Pope Clement

But it very easily could have led to war between England and powerful Catholic nations like France and Spain Henry went on to have five more marriages, or as Madonna calls it “a weekend”, but it was his first that nearly caused a continental war that would have changed the course of history 3) Don Lope De Aguirre In 1560, a man named Pedro de Ursua led 300 Spaniards on an expedition to find El Dorado, the mythical “Lost City of Gold” You know the one, it’s right next to Atlantis and Camelot Surprisingly though, Pedro isn’t even the dumbest guy in this story

That “honor” goes to Don Lope De Aguirre, who decided he was fed up of looking for the fictional South American city, and led a coup against Ursua Fair enough, it’s not like they were going to find El Dorado Maybe rebellion was the best course of action? Well, maybe But no-one could describe what Aguirre did next as the best course of action With only 300 Spaniards, he decided he wanted to invade Panama

But, not until he had conquered Peru Oh, and just for good measure, he sent a letter warning the King of Spain that he was next So, what happened next? A brave last stand from the 300 Spaniards, just like the ancient Spartans once did? No After getting fed up of this whole scheme, most of Aguirre's army just up and deserted him Those left did manage to burn down a few villages

But soon the Spanish surrounded him, beheaded him, quartered him, and sent bits of him out to nearby towns as a warning And to think, this all started because Pedro wanted some bling What a flex 2) Warren G Harding Warren G Harding was the 29th President of the United States Warren G Harding was also, probably, the worst President of the United States

Don’t take it from us either, take it from the man himself While President, Harding admitted, “I am not fit for this office and should never have been here” Hey, that’s what wrote on my last company self-assessment form Harding all the whole “Being President” thing too complicated, and instead gave up to play golf and poker that do his job Imagine if a modern President just went off and played golf all the time, it’d be terrible

While Harding practiced his poker face, his cronies lined their pockets Many consider his administration the most corrupt in US history, and Harding either didn’t care enough or was too obvious to notice Still, Harding managed to remain popular for much of his rule, mainly because people thought he was handsome Which… I mean really? He looks so stern and disapproving… like Sam the Eagle But if that’s what you’re into, I guess

1) Charles VI of France Charles VI of France rose to power in 1380, at the young age of 12 And from that day on, he raised the crazy bar for Charlies to a height not matched until Charlie Sheen I almost feel bad calling C-Dizzle dumb But there’s no denying this guy was the king of bad decisions Charlie 6 liked to run around his castles pretending to be a wolf

He also had a persistent fear he was made of glass and would freak out whenever someone touched him because he was afraid he’d shatter On one occasion he was at a meeting and spontaneously decided to attack his own knights, killing some before they managed to subdue him France’s elites were less than pleased about having a crazy ruler while they were trying to fight the Hundred Years War against England But amazingly none of them managed to bump off their mad monarch He died of natural causes at the age of 53

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*


This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.